It’s the question I most dreaded when I chose this path. I’m not, nor have I ever been (nor am I likely to EVER be) the stereo-typical body shape that women seek. Why would anyone follow me on a nutrition-improvement journey? How can I be an inspiration to others seeking to improve their health? Why would anyone trust me with their nutrition needs? I mean, LOOK at my body.
Now take another look. Soak it all in. I'm 51 years old. I have gray hair, cellulite, rolls, wrinkles, and even a hanging belly apron from bearing very large babies - three boys, all over 8 pounds. I have a sagging neck and jowls and crows feet around my eyes. There are flaws in my skin and nails. My hair is frizzy when it’s not freshly groomed. My shape is not only large but disproportionate. I have an enormous ass (and, not the desirable Kim-Kardashian-kind) and, before augmentation back in my days of seeking something more “normal”, VERY small breasts.
But… (it’s still a work in progress for me to feel this all the time)
I. Am. Beautiful.
I am healthy. I am confident. And I love my body enough to learn more about taking care of it, and my goal is to inspire you to do the same. To TRUST the amazing machine that is the human body and learn its signals and why your cravings exist.
Thin bodies are not inherently healthier or more beautiful. Fat bodies are not inherently less healthy or less beautiful.
I’ll say that one again….
Fat bodies are NOT inherently less healthy or beautiful!
And they are most certainly no less deserving of love - either from ourselves or from others.
Larger-bodied people are also worthy of all of the following, which are culturally limited based on social expectations and opinions:
attention
adventure
sex
fulfilling relationships
success
happiness
respect
dignity and validation
financial abundance
spiritual enlightenment
intellectual growth
acknowledgment and praise
proper medical treatment
and really every single thing this life has to offer any of us!
I began my nutrition coaching journey with the intent of transforming my own physical shape so that I could be an inspiration to others and bring another element of holistic health to Willmore Wellness. My goal was to follow in my husband’s footsteps toward total transformation. Although his journey was about sobriety, not weight loss, I wanted to utilize his approach to recovery because, well, it worked! His process has included a pursuit of his master’s degree in professional counseling with an emphasis on addiction, anxiety, depression, and trauma. He’s been sober for just over a year, and he looks and thinks completely differently than before his recovery path began.
I wanted that transformation. I wanted to LOOK like my lifestyle change had impacted my physical appearance … maybe even more than I cared about my ACTUAL health. It was, in my mind, the only way I’d be able to attract new clients to our wellness business. And the only way I’d feel authentic “selling” myself as a health and nutrition coach. So, I sought out nutrition certification from a well-recognized, reputable organization in an attempt to mirror Randy's recovery path of becoming educated about the science and psychology behind my maladaptive behaviors. I also hired a personal dietician and sought out psychotherapy to understand what role my mind was playing in sabotaging my weight loss efforts.
What happened next was something quite unexpected.
I began with a drafted blog post announcing my desire to change my physical body to be healthier, with a photo of myself that I had intended to be my “before” picture. I was 240 pounds and a size 20 at the time. Of course, I wasn’t ABOUT to post that on social just yet….EEEK! I was going to continue journaling about my progress and eventually post all of my journal entries together, chronicling my weight loss progress, until I felt I was at an “acceptable” size to blast out my “before and after” photos. It was going to be bold and shocking and would flood our inbox with inquiries!
(Side note admission: I STILL watch before and after videos on my social media feed with fascination. Diet culture in our society has taught us all that posting fat pictures is only OK if you have an “after” picture to accompany your disgusting fat pics. For the record, I applaud those who've transformed their bodies, but the message I'd like to relay is that you are worthy of love and happiness, REGARDLESS of your body size.)
I also began learning more about nutrition on a scientific level. I already considered myself a diet expert at the time… I’d attempted more fad diets than I can count, and I’m sure my family will attest that I’ve been on (and then WAY off) diets my entire life - seriously, since about the 5th grade. There’s a history of extra pounds in my family, and food is most definitely one of my love languages. I love to cook, I love to make food beautiful, I love to watch my family enjoy meals I prepare, and I love to eat. I even enjoy preparing healthy food and am quite creative with making it taste and look delicious. I’ve religiously counted calories, endured brutal workout regimes, and tracked my weight daily, sometimes even multiple times a day. I’ve cut carbs, eliminated sugar, reduced fat, and taken supplements that would supposedly help speed up my metabolism. I’ve purchased pre-packaged diet food, and tried plant-based, keto, and intermittent fasting plans. I’ve even considered bariatric surgery - where they cut you open and REARRANGE your GUTS! – to fit the body size that conforms to social expectations.
I am NOT lazy! And I do not lack willpower. Yet, there I was… still battling the same demon of being fat. It turns out, there’s some REAL science behind this, causing many of us to get stuck in these cycles. Once you understand how and why it happens, you can begin to live in harmony with your body for lasting health improvements… who knew!?! And why had no one taught me this before??
I’ve experienced real heartache and frustration throughout my life with this diet cycle of losing, then gaining what I lost, PLUS some. I have had some success in the past with temporary weight loss. I remember the feeling of exhilaration when I saw a certain number on the scale or a certain size tag on my jeans. Or saw a picture of myself that was taken from the perfect angle where I looked thin. Just scroll through my social media photos over the years if you'd like to see the different stages of my weight history... up, down, up, down, up.
I remember the trauma of not being allowed to perform with my high school drill team (despite my excellent dance skills and highest high kicks) because I was 10 pounds over the weight limit, all while exercising 2-3 hours and starving myself on 800 calories daily – at age FIFTEEN. I remember being about twelve when a middle-aged man turned around in a movie to tell me “Fat people sure are jolly!” because my giggling annoyed him (it was a COMEDY for heaven’s sake!). I remember being out on a Saturday night in uptown, feeling cute in my short skirt and tall boots, when a drunk stranger asked me how far along I was… except I wasn’t pregnant. And then, I remember the praise and accolades showered when I had successfully lost weight.
Diet culture is COMMITTED to making sure that we all believe fat is sick and gross, thin is healthy and beautiful.
It’s what keeps their wallets fat and keeps us all brain-washed and insecure. A SICK and UNHEALTHY culture striving for the impossible perfection we see in magazines or on social media that are photoshopped - they're not even REAL! More than 90% of us have bodies that do not fit the diet-culture standard… and this culture wants to make sure you are groomed to spend your hard-earned dollars in pursuit of that unrealistic ideal. They keep us spending because no one ever achieves that ideal, and the cycle perpetuates itself.
Even confidentially surveyed doctors have admitted bias towards fat bodies – where they make assumptions about lack of will power or falsely predict that you must have diabetes, heart disease, or high blood pressure - thankfully, NONE of which apply to me. And, it affects thin-bodied people as well, because assumptions are made about your “obvious” health when you’re not carrying around extra pounds, which means diagnosable diseases are overlooked. These doctors are human too and therefore also conditioned by this culture that is subliminally piped into all aspects of our daily lives.
WE HAVE TO STOP THE MADNESS.
My pursuit of lasting change and science-based answers enabled me to see things for what they really are. To see how I’ve been manipulated by this system my entire life. To empathize with others who’ve had similar experiences. Health should be measured by more than the number on the scale or your BMI.
My goal with Willmore Wellness is to help others find TRUE nutritional balance… not measured by a specific number on the scale, but in how you FEEL about and in your body, how well it's taking care of you, and how you are taking care of it. I want to highlight your relationship with your body and with food because unhealthy relationships are toxic and defeating. So, my attention has been averted to a few science-based principles I’ve discovered and focused my coaching practice around. Body love, body trust, and overall kindness – to others, sure, but ESPECIALLY to yourself – are the foundations.
When you learn your individual body’s cues and signals and begin to be mindful of how you FEEL rather than the number on the scale, your body will naturally gravitate towards your set point weight… and you won’t have to sacrifice the foods you love and deserve to enjoy!
When you choose to move your body in ways that feel GOOD and make you happy, rather than grueling hours at the gym as a form of punishment for eating a fucking piece of bread or having dessert on your birthday, you can feel stronger and move with ease. (pardon the f-bomb - it’s the ONLY one I left in, because of the significant impact it makes here!)
When you stop restricting foods you love and begin focusing your nutrition efforts on consuming appropriate amounts of macro/micronutrients, vitamins, and minerals needed for optimal health WITHOUT obsessive calorie counting or restrictions, you can begin to break free from diet-culture and still see strides towards holistic health, longevity, and genuine fulfillment.
I hope you’ll join me in this adventure! I can tell you that I’ve never been happier than I am right now… not because I’m a little lighter, but because I’m holistically HEALTHIER! My body (AND my mind) is transforming – and I’m not tracking that with a scale or with BMI calculations… I’m noticing how my clothes fit differently and how my knees hurt less, and how all aspects of my life just feel better. It’s an overhaul of things that block your progress. HOLISTIC HEALTH: mental, physical, spiritual, financial, relational, environmental, and intellectual. You know you want it!
Come be a part of the movement with us!
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